Tales of the Treadmill
Tales of the Treadmill
Waning
Saturday, March 29, 2008
My interest in all things tt* is at a massive low, as you might infer from the length of time between entries.
It’s so funny to look at the perception of how you feel things might go compared to the reality. We’ve changed our minds at least daily on what the hell we want to do here. Our goals when this started were number one- make a record. number 2, play some fun shows. I think that’s really all there was to it. We always make things too huge and complicated, and that’s happened again. The one thing we wanted to avoid was hassle. I think we’ve hit on hassle. And even at this low level of participation- we’re already getting into some, sort of, music business type back and forth shit with different peeps. No need to go into detail here- although I might later- but suffice to say, it’s all what I hated about being in a band back in the day. Just might all be more of a pain in the ass than it’s worth.
Hindsight always makes everyone look like a complete idiot - almost always. But, we don’t use hindsight when things go our way.
Here’s an excerpt of an email I sent to H and T a day or two after the St. Pat’s fiasco.
FROM ANG TO TONY AND HEIDI:
yo dogs,
okay, here's the update. we're holding strong as a mother fucker at $200 total in contributions. at this rate, we'll be able to pay our debt to patrick in three weeks..., so that's good. But no way we’re going to be able to make a real record. We’re gonna be in my little crap studio using mics from Radio Shack. Which would have been fine had we not done all this freaking stupid work.
i want to just put this out there- that maybe (just MAYBE) we should pull the plug on this whole mess before we’re in too deeply to get out. i dunno, i think it's pretty obvious from St Pat's that we suck (not playing-wise, we rule playing-wise). And it's kind of been a lot of work that maybe is a waste. and there's nothing i hate more than work with no purpose. Actually, work with purpose kind of sucks too. so, again, i'm just putting it out there. but hell- this isn't going to work. even if there were a thousand people at that show, it wasn't going to work. hate to be a bummer in the summer, but come on. i just think maybe a graceful slide out might be the best thing. no? am i wrong?
i'd just rather close it down before it goes too far and we’re caught where we have to take it through to the end because we have no choice. thing is- if we slide out now, no one will know the difference. i know this is the wrong attitude, but we've all got other shit going on. and even though this is all sort of a lark, and we’re just doing it for fun- i still take it too seriously and the failing will bum me out pretty badly.
i just wonder if zuess isn't finally right for once. i just wonder if the whole vibe of the thing is wrong. that we just simply miscalculated the whole thing. it's quite possible.
I absolutely don't believe our peeps can help us sell out the sept shows. which is key to everything. so let’s re-think that.
granted, i'm not right in the head right now. not right at all. but, i think it's worth a ponder. i think it's all worth even, dare i say it - a conference call. your thoughts?
tony, i'm sure you have some inspiring words, but i'm pretty sure my black cloud can douse them. i'm in a pretty black cloudy mood. I love us, but I hate that it's for naught. It’s just not going anywhere. Where could it go?
angout
EMAIL FROM TONY TO H AND A IN RESPONSE:
I don't have time to delve at the moment, but I was waiting for this email from you, actually. Instead of my inspiring our continued efforts, let's have that conference call and hash it out in a logical manner of sorts.
I don't want to "rah rah" us as much as take inventory and make a firm decision. Whatever we decide is the way it will be. Cool?
It's all good.
Tony
I told Jen (my wife) that Tony emailed saying he was ‘waiting for this email’ - and she said that he’s probably the person who knows me best aside from her. She knew it was coming too. She just rolls her eyes.
I can’t find Heidi’s response, but it was something like, “I’m feeling black and cloudy too.”
So, I dunno. I guess we’ll talk about what to do next, and do it.
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